At The Battle of the Rooftop Bar at The Standard, Downtown
Guy at the bar: Hey, do you like salad?
Me, after 3 drinks: I fucking hate salad!
Guy: What? What's wrong with salad?
Me: It's full of vegetables. I fucking hate vegetables!
Guy: ... You're a troublemaker. (Pause) How'd you hurt your foot?
Me: Playing rugby.
Guy: Are you American?
Me: Yes.
Guy: Wait, you're American?
Me: Yes...
Guy: And you play rugby?
Me: Um, yes.
Guy: Wow! Props for that! (Gives me a fist pump)
Me: Right... anyway, they like salad (pointing to my two friends next to me).
Guy: (Turning to talk to my friends) Oh, you guys like salad? Awesome!
I have to say that "Do you like salad?" is both the worst and most LA pickup line I've ever heard. Memorable other failures include:
Guy: Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh?
Me: Oh, about 600-800 pounds. Why?
Guy: ...... (Sheepishly) Just enough to break the ice... Hi my name's [Redacted].
Guy: Hey, are you Greek?
My Greek best friend from high school: Yes.
Guy: ... Oh, 'cause you look like a goddess.
My Friend: Get lost.
Memorable successes include:
"Are these cookies homemade?"
"What'd you think of that band?"
and
"So, what beer do you recommend?"
There must be more... must be... possibly... maybe not.
Oh, Los Angeles. You make me... sick? No, amused. I leave you with this:
[Later on at the bar...]
Same guy: (To the three of us) I can't believe you live in California and don't speak another language!
Me: I speak another language.
Guy: Oh, do you speak Spanish?
Me: Yeah.
Guy: Se habla espanol?
Me: ... Si.
Guy: That's great. I'm Mexican, and I don't even speak Spanish.
Me: Wow.
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